More Than Ever (More Book 3) Read online

  “Luke…” I breathed deep and leaned forward until our foreheads were touching. “I’m scared.”

  He stroked my upper arms in a soft caress. “Of what?”

  “What if I broke us? What if it’s never like it was before?”

  “That’s not possible.”

  The front door opened. I sat up and shook my head, trying to tell Luke without words that I didn’t want him to say anything to Richard right then. Richard would push us to talk about this until I had answers to my questions, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to hear them.

  Maybe Luke didn’t get that.

  Or maybe he did, and it didn’t matter because he’d already made up his own mind on how to handle this.

  He called out, “Richard, get your ass in here. Now!”

  I gave Luke another pleading look. “Please don’t.”

  He scoffed. “Richard!”

  Richard entered the living room in a quick stride, but as soon as he saw us, he stopped in the middle of the room. “What’s wrong?”

  Luke gestured between us with a frustrated swipe of his hand. “The two of you.”

  “What?”

  “Why the hell didn’t you say something?”

  “What do you mean?”

  Luke got on his feet and stalked to him. He jabbed a finger at Richard’s chest. “You lied. Whenever I asked about you and him, you said everything was fine. It’s not fucking fine. You’re not the same with him, and you should’ve said something. He told me three weeks ago he felt like you were still holding back with him, and now I find out it’s even worse than that.”

  This was crazy. I couldn’t stand to hear Luke yell at Richard like that. I’d probably been overthinking things, seeing stuff that wasn’t there. Maybe it was just a coincidence that the three of us hadn’t been positioned in that one way during sex. After all, that night we’d fought had been about fisting, not fucking.

  Luke continued, pointing back at me. “You’ve been purposely avoiding him in bed. No blowjobs until today. No fucking. This has gotten ridiculous.”

  Richard’s jaw clenched.

  I couldn’t stand that they were fighting. I just wanted it to end. And the only way that would happen was if I told them the whole truth. “It’s not Richard.”

  They both turned their heads my way.

  Luke’s furrowed brows demonstrated his confusion. “What do you mean?”

  “It’s you. You’re the one who won’t tell me why you can’t be with me like that.”

  “Me? What about all that stuff you were just saying about Richard?”

  “I was talking about you. I thought maybe it would help you figure things out if we were saying it about Richard.”

  He looked floored.

  I gestured toward Richard. “He’s been taking things slowly. He hasn’t fucked me either, but he’s also been talking about it to me, talking about how he feels. You’re the one who’s different with me and not telling me why you won’t touch me. I get why he’s been holding back, why he’s scared. I don’t understand why you are.”

  Luke remained silent.

  Richard watched him for a moment, but when Luke still didn’t say or do anything, Richard came to the couch and sat beside me. “I’m sorry. I completely missed this. I was so wrapped up in what I was feeling, I didn’t realize that Luke…” He sighed. “I should’ve seen how things were between you two. How long has this been going on?”

  “Since that night at my mom’s.”

  He asked Luke, “Why?”

  Luke answered Richard but spoke to me. “I was waiting until…” He let his words fade away.

  When he said nothing more, Richard asked, “Until what?”

  Luke shifted his focus to Richard. They held the stare for several weighty breaths, and then Luke finally looked back at me. “Until I could stop picturing that night. Until I could stop seeing you flinch like that in our bed.”

  Oh God. My stomach turned.

  Richard must’ve seen something in my face. He laid an arm over my shoulders and drew me closer to him. “It wasn’t you he flinched from.”

  “I know. It doesn’t matter.”

  Richard nodded as if he got that. “You do other stuff with him.”

  Luke gave a sharp nod, but he didn’t say anything more right away. After a series of deep breaths, he moved in to sit at my other side. He reached for my hand and held it on his thigh, his focus on our combined hands. “I couldn’t stop touching you altogether.” He ran his thumb over the backs of my fingers. “I need to make you feel good. I need to be one of the ones who give you that kind of pleasure. But every time I think of taking it further…” He closed his eyes for a second and shook his head. “What if I do something you don’t want? I can’t stop thinking that maybe I’ve already done something you weren’t into and you just didn’t want to tell me. I can be pretty pushy about sex, pretty selfish sometimes.”

  “No, you’re not. You’ve never been. I’ve loved everything we’ve ever done. And I promised I’d tell you guys the truth.”

  “I know. And I trust that.” He looked up at me. “I trust you. I do.”

  “Then why?”

  “I don’t know. It’s just still there. In my head. I can see the look on your face when you pulled away from him.” He turned my way. “I want to move past this. I do.”

  “I wish you would’ve said something.”

  “I should’ve. I kept thinking if I pretended it didn’t bother me, it would go away.” He squeezed my hand. “I need you to know that how I feel about you hasn’t changed. It never will.” He leaned in and kissed my cheek. Before he could pull back, I turned toward him so his lips almost touched mine. He held still. I did too.

  I said, “I want us to be the way we used to be. So bad.”

  He sucked in a sharp breath and reached up to hold my face in his hands. “Me too.” He leaned in without delay and kissed me, softly, tenderly, like a first kiss between two men who’d just realized they were falling in love with each other.

  I fell into the sweet press of his lips.

  He stroked my cheeks with his thumbs as he pulled back and searched my eyes. “I’m trying to let it go. Every day I try to forget it. Forget that moment.” He lowered his hands as his eyelids fell shut. “I can’t stand that I’m hurting you. I can’t stand that things are different. I want what we had back. More than anything.” When he opened his eyes, desperation shone in those blue depths.

  I cupped his face the way he’d done with me. “We can have it back. Because it’s what we all want. Richard’s trying. I am too. We get to decide how things are going to be for us from here on out. It’s a choice we can make.”

  His mouth turned up in the slightest smile. His lips were still moist from the kiss. “You’re always so damn wise, I actually forget that you’re years younger than us.”

  “If you think I’m wise, then you should listen to me.”

  He laughed. “Yeah, I should.”

  I couldn’t take my eyes off his lips. “You both used to fuck me like there was nothing that could stop you. Like there was something driving you, something powerful that you couldn’t control. I miss that so much.” I bit my lower lip, then met his stare.

  With desperate urgency, as if my words had unfurled a buried part of him, he slid to the floor before me, gripped my hips, and hauled me off the couch onto his lap. “You have no idea how much I want you like that.” Desire blazed in his eyes. With his hands on my hips, he rocked my body forward over his, and that had me instantly aroused.

  He kept his gaze locked on mine as he reached for the front of my jeans and ripped the button open, his breathing picking up speed.

  Richard shot off the couch and knelt beside Luke. He nuzzled the side of my neck. “I think he wants you, Matthew.”

  “God, yes.” Luke skimmed his hands up under the back of my shirt, stroking my skin in long, slow sweeps.

  Maybe hearing me say how much I missed being with them was just what they needed to hear
. Maybe I needed to be more assertive. After all, I was never one to hold back in bed. That was the guy they’d first met at the Haven. The one they fell in love with.

  I wrapped an arm around each of them and moved over Luke, grinding our bodies together in a raw, primal building of lust and passion. “I want you both to fuck me.” I leaned in. I was going to give Luke, and then Richard, the most erotic, mind-blowing kiss I could manage.

  Luke sucked in a sharp gasp as our lips drew closer.

  The doorbell rang.

  I froze. “Shit.” My mom was there for dinner. I had completely forgotten she was coming. I dropped my forehead to Luke’s shoulder. “You gotta be kidding me.”

  Richard laid a hand on my back. “Why don’t you guys head upstairs? I’ll distract her, take her for a walk or something.”

  “No,” Luke said with urgency. “We’ll all pick this up later when we have more time.”

  I sat back so I could see him. “You’re sure?”

  “Definitely.” That flirtatious smirk I’d loved about him from day one was back. “Besides…” He looked to Richard, his expression now beyond serious. “We do that part together. Always.”

  I loved hearing those words from him, loved knowing he still wanted to keep to that one rule we’d set when we first started dating.

  Not because of jealousy or distrust.

  Now, for all of us, it was for far more sentimental reasons, something special to do as a threesome, a reminder that this relationship was never just about any two of us.

  Chapter Seven

  “Mom, can I ask you a personal question?”

  “Sure, honey.” She set her cup on the coffee table before her and turned my way.

  We’d just finished dinner, and the two of us were seated on the couch in the living room while Richard and Luke cleaned up in the kitchen.

  The stuffed peppers with risotto they’d prepared had been delicious, but the best part was the cake they’d made while I was at my interview earlier that day. Luke had handled the baking, and Richard did the frosting. It was a lopsided, leaning tower of chocolate, but it was one of the sweetest things they’d ever done for me.

  I really didn’t want to ruin the night with the conversation I was about to have with my mom. I didn’t know for sure whether or not it was a good idea to bring this up. The last thing in the world I wanted to do was remind her of something painful from her past. But there were things I needed to know. Especially with the dreams I’d been having.

  Every single time I dreamed of that moment from my childhood, I couldn’t keep from hearing him scream out my name. There was so much fear and panic in his voice.

  And love.

  Why did he have to love me? It made everything worse.

  As if sensing my unease, Trixie got up from where she’d been snoozing near the fireplace and came to sit at my feet. I patted her head as I casually threw out the question, hoping it wouldn’t send up too many red flags with my mom. “Do you ever talk to Dad?”

  She gaped at me for a moment. When she recovered from the shock, she composed herself, but I knew I’d hurt her feelings by bringing him up, or perhaps because I’d implied she’d keep something like that from me, and that about killed me.

  She didn’t get a chance to say anything before we heard the guys laughing as they came our way from the kitchen. When they reached the living room, Richard stopped in the archway. He put a hand on Luke’s arm, indicating without words that they should wait a minute.

  I gestured for them to join us. “It’s okay.”

  Luke started forward again and sat next to me, but Richard waited at the edge of the room. Luke nudged my shoulder with his. “So, you liked the cake, huh?”

  I smiled at him. Just having that contact had the anxiety fading. “It was great.”

  “First time I’ve ever made one.”

  Richard chuckled from across the room.

  Luke rolled his eyes. “Okay, the one we ate was my second attempt. I dropped the first one when I tried to put the pans in the oven.” He pointed to Richard. “But since it was never actually baked, I don’t think it counts.”

  “You should’ve seen it,” Richard said. “Cake batter was everywhere. On the floor, inside the oven, underneath it, along the crack between the stove and the cabinet, in Luke’s hair. We had to move the stove all the way out, wash everything, and he had to take a shower before we could try again.”

  Luke nodded. “It was not pretty.”

  I laughed with them. Individually they could be a bit of a disaster in the kitchen. Put them together, and it was worse. I could picture them laughing their asses off through the entire thing.

  My mom looked at each of us in turn, her eyes lit with affection.

  “What?” I asked her.

  “This is nice. The three of you together.” She patted my leg. “They really love you.”

  “They really do.” I turned to Richard, then Luke. “Which means we can get through anything together.”

  Relief shone in Luke’s eyes. “We can.”

  Richard came forward and cupped my chin. “We can.”

  I placed my hand over his, and we held that simple touch for several breaths before he moved to sit in the chair across the couch from us.

  The four of us chatted for a bit. Then my mom squeezed my leg. “Well, I better get going. We can finish our talk when you come for dinner this week. I promise I’ll answer any questions you have, okay?”

  I nodded. “Okay.”

  She reached for my hand. “I’m so very proud of you, Matty.”

  “Thanks, Mom.”

  We stood, and she gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. She did the same with Luke and Richard, thanking them for dinner. After she left, the three of us returned to the living room. This time Luke dropped into the chair across the room, and Richard came to sit beside me on the couch.

  He asked, “Everything okay with her?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Good. You’re very lucky to have her. We all are. She’s wonderful.”

  “She is.”

  “I like that she’s so accepting of us and gets how much we care for you.” He stroked my thigh with an open hand and then leaned in and kissed me. It was like that moment earlier had changed everything for him. He was more affectionate, more confident and determined with his touch than he’d been in weeks. Months. He really was trying to let go of the past. I hoped Luke could do the same.

  Richard ran his hand over my thigh again. “You look tired.”

  “I’m okay. Just thinking about the job at Windtree. I want to do some more studying tomorrow. In case I get a call.”

  “Sounds like a good idea.” He gestured toward the hall. “Why don’t we head up to bed, then?”

  As he did every night, Richard locked the doors and set the house alarm, and then we made our way upstairs. I changed into pajama pants and used the bathroom down the hall while Luke and Richard got ready for bed in the master bath. Back in our bedroom, I lay horizontally across the middle of the bed, propped my chin on my folded arms, and watched them through the open bathroom door. Luke was brushing his teeth, Richard flossing his. Both were down to their underwear. Neither noticed me.

  Luke paused the brushing and removed the toothbrush from his mouth. “If I promise not to ruin the surprise for Matthew, will you tell me what it is?”

  Richard snorted out a laugh. “Are you really going to keep a secret from him?”

  “No.” Luke went back to energetically brushing his teeth. Then he stopped again. “I bet I can guess what it is. Just tell me, is it bigger than a shoebox?”

  Richard momentarily paused the flossing and studied Luke in the mirror. He sighed. “Yes.”

  “Is it a car?”

  “No.”

  “A motorcycle?”

  “No.”

  “A boat?”

  “It didn’t cost me a dime. Not yet anyway.”

  “You got us a surprise that didn’t cost anything? Did you make it?” L
uke pointed the toothbrush at him. “Wait. Did you take one of those pottery classes that we got a flyer about in the mail?”

  Richard tossed the floss into the trash. “Would you stop asking me questions?” He headed out of the bathroom, grinning at me when he spotted me lying on the bed. He went to the dresser near the closet and got out a pair of pajama pants.

  Luke rinsed his mouth, then turned out the bathroom light. “So I’m close, huh?” He folded back the blankets on his side of the bed and sat. “Is it erotic pottery?”

  Richard stared at him. “Erotic pottery?”

  “It’s a thing.”

  “No, it’s not erotic pottery. It’s not any kind of pottery.”

  Luke seemed to be genuinely racking his brain. “Is it something we’ve talked about getting before?”

  Richard came to the bed and lay alongside me, positioning me between them. “No. Well, sort of.”

  “Sort of?”

  “Yep.” He laid a hand across my lower back and asked me, “You okay?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Sort of?” Luke repeated. “What does that even mean?”

  “You’ll see.”

  “When?”

  “Soon, I promise.”

  Luke groaned and flopped onto his back, his head hitting the pillow in an exaggerated thump.

  I giggled, looking from one to the other, certain another guess would come from Luke at any moment.

  Richard ran his warm hand along my spine. “Hey.”

  I glanced up at him.

  “What is it? What’s wrong? And don’t say nothing. I can hear it in your laugh.”

  That got Luke’s attention. He sat up.

  “I guess I’m just distracted, thinking about stuff.”

  “About our conversation earlier?” Richard asked.

  “A little bit. And something else.”

  He got up and crawled over me to sit against the headboard. “Come here.” He held his arms out.

  I moved up the bed and sat between his legs, my back to his chest. He held me in his arms, his chin resting on my shoulder. “What is it?”

  I laid my hands over his strong forearms. I wanted to talk to them about what was going on with me, but I didn’t want to upset them or worry them. Not after our talk earlier. Things between us were just starting to feel better.